The following is a question and answer from The Bhagavad Gita Demystified Volume 1 by Paramahamsa Nithyananda.
Q: Swamiji, how can we surrender the ego when this wanting to surrender is itself an expression of the ego?
A: A question to you: How are you going to surrender the ego, when it does not exist?
Suppose you are sitting in a dark room. You want the darkness to go out. Can you push it out? Can you fight darkness and force it to leave the room? No! No matter how long you keep trying, you are ultimately going to be defeated – and that too by something which does not exist!
Ego is like darkness, it has no positive existence. Just like darkness is simply the absence of light, ego is nothing but the absence of awareness. To struggle to kill the ego is like struggling to push darkness out of the room.
To really expel darkness, what you need to do is forget all about dealing with darkness. Focus your energy on light instead. Just bring a small lamp into the room, and you will find that the darkness has fled on its own!
So, I tell you to forget all about the ego. Instead, focus on bringing a lamp of awareness into your being. Bring the light of your consciousness to your unconscious zone. When your entire consciousness has become a flame, you will find that the ego is no more.
What you have heard, read been taught – ‘Surrender the ego in order to attain self-realization’ – is an utterly impractical idea. It can happen only the other way round. Self-realization dawns, and suddenly you cannot find the ego anymore. Surrender has already happened, just like that.
However, I am glad that the question has arisen in your being. Ego is the root cause for all your anxieties, sorrows and tensions. It is your doorway to hell. To actively feel that you want to drop the ego, to feel the need to get rid of this burden is in itself a step towards awareness. It shows that you are stirring from your sleep!